Today felt...short. I think that's the best way to describe it. Today was also kinda weird, I'm left with all different kinds of mixed emotions about me and other people. You see, tuesdays I meet with my local college gospel choir: Ebony Impact and we were few in number today. I wonder if any of them will come back...Anyways we had an alright practice today but we always have a portion at the end of practice where members stand up and talk about things that God is working out for them or ask the other members of the choir to pray for a particular problem that they are going though. Out of the people that stood up there were two people that asked for us to pray for a loss or an inccident involving their Grandparents. One young lady brokedown and started bawling, there was also a young man who was trying so hard not to let his emotions surface(It's a Man thing) but his true feelings broke though slowly but surely. All of this bought me to how I feel now, it also made me think of something.
Everyone only thinks about the good things that could happen when they think about the future but no one wants to think about the bad stuff. And with good reason, no one wants to imagine life without those close loved ones that were always there for you when you were growing up, but more importantly: Parents and Grandparents. We must all treasure and cherish these loved ones the most while they are here so that when they do have to go, there will be a part of them in ours hearts never to be removed. My heart goes out to That young lady; whose name I do not know(I'm sorry) and to Mike and I wish the best to both of them and their families. It's never easy to cope with losses or inccidents involving this close loved group. I loss my Grandpa on my Father's side when I was but a young boy; everyday I miss him more and more. I wonder what life would be like if he was still alive right now, I was too young, there were still so many conversations to be had, story he had to tell me, things he had to pass on to me and the rest of his grandchildren.I blame cigerettes but THAT is another story. I employ to you if your grandparents are still alive, spend as much time with them as you can, because things arent what they always used to be, They can tell you things that no other living person can tell you. Also your elders are wiser from being on this earth longer than you they can tell you alot of things to share that wisdom with you; Just do it before it's too late, I don't want you to feel how I feel right now, wishing I could talk to my Grandpa...
If you have just recently lost a close loved one I am so sorry and my heart also goes out to you. whether it be a Grandparent or a parent it's never an easy thing to cope with. You may have realized that I just repeated myself, I do so on and with purpose. It isnt and wont be easy to get over those loved ones but it always comes down to: We werent put on this earth to stay. One day even ourselves will return to the dust and the earth. I'm not saying suck it up and get over it, I'm saying God has a plan for each and everyone of us, and when he decides to make a move, it will be done as he has decided. Unfortunatly sometimes that means that we have to say goodbye to those we love the most. But know that we were given the strength to accept that these loved ones have moved on and that we also have the strength to move on ourselves. Our instructor who also happens to be called Mike talked to us about how it's natural for us to bury our Grandparents and parents and how it's unnatural for them to bury us. He went on to say that that's the way God designed for it to go, so therefore we are also designed to move on and accept our farewells with those who are closely loved. So with all of this in mind I say to you: Dont get stuck in the past, It's ok to reflect upon the times we've spent with our loved ones but dont let the past rule your future. Instead continue to move forward and make your life better so that you can make your loved ones proud. Continue to live your life with them in your hearts and on your mind, laugh at the good times and remember all of the times you've had with them. Pray or ask a friend or loved one to pray with or for you if you feel down. And know that everything will be alright. I pray that this message reaches at least one person and touches them in such a way that things that looked impossible before dont look that impossible anymore. I pray that each family that has suffered a loss, recovers and become even stronger in God's name. And I Pray that when that time comes for me to be on the other side of this message that I can live up to all of the things that I have written tonight, God Please grant me the strength.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Foward with hope
Ahhh mondays...gotta hate'em. I was late to my first class today, English; Well technically I made it right before the Professor closed the door. Even with that all was well today, though walking around ODU harbored some bad memories I smiled at the face of good opportunities. Also not to be Vain or anything but I really looked good today!! I was matching from head to toe in blues and my waves was on point so alla the girls was checking me out today and I caught some looks from some of their boyfriends that didnt approve of me and her checking each other out.(hehe) Classes werent that terrible today and my Homework isnt that bad tonight so all and all things are looking up for your boy ;). I'm really looking forward to seeing more of the campus and more of the beautiful flowers that now inhabit it's grounds; watchout now!! ;)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Just What's Wrong With Black Men??
This was a Response to an event in one of my English classes Freshmen year of collage. It got a couple of hits on Facebook, some from people I dont even know. But I was offened and I felt I had to speak on it, if you have some time why not check it out, leave a comment if you'd like. Hope you enjoy
Last English class, last friday Mrs. Heart (my teach) brought in one of her friends to speak to us about her life and thinking outside of the box. She was funny and qurky and she reminded my of myself the way she dared to be different and thought not of what other people thought of her. So she's tellin us about her life and different various things about being different and then she said something that kinda stuck on me. she says it jokingly "There's something wrong with Black Men" . All the other black girls in the class was clappin and rejoicin to hear that one. My first response was just..WOW..where did that come from. And I dont hate her for saying that, @ that monent I just put that aside and listened to the rest of the story. The end of the story came and she asked for questions, I said nothing but in the back of my head i was screaming: "Just what's wrong with black men??". This lil senario neva really bothered me, or maybe it did I'm not sure I just feel like I have to ask: Just what's so wrong with black men?? I already know most of the stereotypes: Cheap, Lazy, Playa, Gangsta, Hood, Nerd, Goofy, Dark, Light, Sex-fiend, Weed-head, Alcholic, Broke, Mama's boi, Indifferent, No job, No car, No life goals etc, etc. But look back on this list. Could not just about all of these things also be said about ALL men?? Why just black?? And Also not ALL men are like this; not all BLACK or any other race of men are like the few men that make people say "Something's wrong with black men". It truly saddens my heart when I come across a Black girl/women who believes that all black men are like that one that did them wrong, I look up with a smile and get a cold stare in return, or one of them 'if-looks-could-kill' things. Believe it or not Ladies there ARE Decent Black men out there, some are much closer than they seem. Some of them are right here in ODU. Are you sure you havent overlooked them?? Are you sure that while you were hoping and praying for what you wanted in a man that he didnt just come and sit right next to you, or pass by you walking to class, or wave 'hi' to you from the other side of the street, walk with you to or from class, talk to you or/and give you advice when you needed it?? Ladies I challnege you, as one of the decent black men: I challnege you the next time you see a black man and your lil radar goes off: "uh oh he look like a playa, he look like a Gangsta, he look like he broke or whateva" I dare you to give him a chance to prove you wrong. That lady said it herself to "come out of the box", drop out of your comfort zone and take a chance on him. You never know, once you get to know him you may find that he was the one for you all along. Now I dont mean be a hoe or be easy etc. but how are you ever gonna truely find a man if you're so quick to judge every man that steps to you without giving him a chance?? Ladies do this and I promise to continue to strive toward being that one man every girl dreams of, a true testiment to Black men and All men for that matter, but no matter how hard i try, I cant be reconized if I'm labled before you even know me!!
My brothers and fellow men, Dont prove the Ladies right!! We CAN be decent and we ARE decent. It's doesnt take much to stay faithful to her, to admit we are wrong when we KNOW we are, take good care of her and let her know she's special to us, to go out of our way for her, to forgive and forget(this one goes both ways ladies), and to do all the things that make her think of you. It doesnt take much at all. My fellow men and brothers, I challnege you, I dare you to prove that girl wrong. Unstead of getting upset that girls think of you in a certain way, try to think of a way you ARENT what she said you are. If she say you aint nothing but a dog, show her you're a man, if she say you're unfaithful, show her what she means to you, if she say all you care about is your______(insert here), show her that she IS on your mind and you DO care about her, if she say all you wanna do is fuck, prove to her that she is worth SO much more. I neva said be a wimp or mr. sensitive all of a sudden but I think that we men just need to show them girls that we DO have love for them and that we CAN be decent and that we ARE decent.
I kinda feel better now I just had to get it all out. I'd really like for you to consider the things I said, just think about it for a sec. I'm also interested in what you may have to say the good/bad and ugly. My goal is to reach just one person...just one...If you feel what I'm saying do me one last favor: Let me know please. Yall jus gonna have to excuse me, this is who i am and what I feel.
Last English class, last friday Mrs. Heart (my teach) brought in one of her friends to speak to us about her life and thinking outside of the box. She was funny and qurky and she reminded my of myself the way she dared to be different and thought not of what other people thought of her. So she's tellin us about her life and different various things about being different and then she said something that kinda stuck on me. she says it jokingly "There's something wrong with Black Men" . All the other black girls in the class was clappin and rejoicin to hear that one. My first response was just..WOW..where did that come from. And I dont hate her for saying that, @ that monent I just put that aside and listened to the rest of the story. The end of the story came and she asked for questions, I said nothing but in the back of my head i was screaming: "Just what's wrong with black men??". This lil senario neva really bothered me, or maybe it did I'm not sure I just feel like I have to ask: Just what's so wrong with black men?? I already know most of the stereotypes: Cheap, Lazy, Playa, Gangsta, Hood, Nerd, Goofy, Dark, Light, Sex-fiend, Weed-head, Alcholic, Broke, Mama's boi, Indifferent, No job, No car, No life goals etc, etc. But look back on this list. Could not just about all of these things also be said about ALL men?? Why just black?? And Also not ALL men are like this; not all BLACK or any other race of men are like the few men that make people say "Something's wrong with black men". It truly saddens my heart when I come across a Black girl/women who believes that all black men are like that one that did them wrong, I look up with a smile and get a cold stare in return, or one of them 'if-looks-could-kill' things. Believe it or not Ladies there ARE Decent Black men out there, some are much closer than they seem. Some of them are right here in ODU. Are you sure you havent overlooked them?? Are you sure that while you were hoping and praying for what you wanted in a man that he didnt just come and sit right next to you, or pass by you walking to class, or wave 'hi' to you from the other side of the street, walk with you to or from class, talk to you or/and give you advice when you needed it?? Ladies I challnege you, as one of the decent black men: I challnege you the next time you see a black man and your lil radar goes off: "uh oh he look like a playa, he look like a Gangsta, he look like he broke or whateva" I dare you to give him a chance to prove you wrong. That lady said it herself to "come out of the box", drop out of your comfort zone and take a chance on him. You never know, once you get to know him you may find that he was the one for you all along. Now I dont mean be a hoe or be easy etc. but how are you ever gonna truely find a man if you're so quick to judge every man that steps to you without giving him a chance?? Ladies do this and I promise to continue to strive toward being that one man every girl dreams of, a true testiment to Black men and All men for that matter, but no matter how hard i try, I cant be reconized if I'm labled before you even know me!!
My brothers and fellow men, Dont prove the Ladies right!! We CAN be decent and we ARE decent. It's doesnt take much to stay faithful to her, to admit we are wrong when we KNOW we are, take good care of her and let her know she's special to us, to go out of our way for her, to forgive and forget(this one goes both ways ladies), and to do all the things that make her think of you. It doesnt take much at all. My fellow men and brothers, I challnege you, I dare you to prove that girl wrong. Unstead of getting upset that girls think of you in a certain way, try to think of a way you ARENT what she said you are. If she say you aint nothing but a dog, show her you're a man, if she say you're unfaithful, show her what she means to you, if she say all you care about is your______(insert here), show her that she IS on your mind and you DO care about her, if she say all you wanna do is fuck, prove to her that she is worth SO much more. I neva said be a wimp or mr. sensitive all of a sudden but I think that we men just need to show them girls that we DO have love for them and that we CAN be decent and that we ARE decent.
I kinda feel better now I just had to get it all out. I'd really like for you to consider the things I said, just think about it for a sec. I'm also interested in what you may have to say the good/bad and ugly. My goal is to reach just one person...just one...If you feel what I'm saying do me one last favor: Let me know please. Yall jus gonna have to excuse me, this is who i am and what I feel.
Overview of this weekend (9/28/08)
So Here's where I stand now, Friday I was still in a relationship with a girl that I had been with for 8 months, but things had been different all week. Whenever we hungout she was on her computer and I was just sitting there you know?? (Hard to have a convo with someone who isnt paying attention) And whenever she came over to hangout she would act wierd: Climbling all over me like a little girl, constantly biting, just being annoying, blocking the TV, and she didnt want me to touch her; she'd never acted like this before, I was confused. I decided to give her some space because she was tripping all week and I was sick of it, I had a Head-ache, a Stomach-ache and I didnt feel like baby-sitting. I when to my classes and normally I would meet her for breakfast but Friday I just went on with my schedule. All day it's been no call, no text, no communication with her whatsoever. It was like 8-9pm, I was back in Middlesex to help my father DJ so I could make a little money, she sends a text saying we need to talk. I call her and ask her whats going on with her, she told me "...you're so sweet, and I feel so bad because for this past week I've had to make myself be happy with you.". I was shocked, I didn't know what to say. We always had fun together no matter what we did...and it doesn't stop there. I begin to start to reason with her asking what do you mean and what are you saying?? She told me that things don't feel the same and tells me that she feels like she has the inability to stay in a relationship. Now this is the second time she done told me this shyt and the 3rd time she's done this to me, ha call me a hopeless romantic or a fool for believing in her but I just did what felt right. So I'm quite devastated about now talking about what about me?? and I still Love you. " I love you Baby"...silence...I call her name a couple of times and she responds, She heard me but she no longer felt the same as I did...
I decided to come back to ODU so I could get some space and have some time to clear my mind of this whole situation, mind you I just came back home from ODU maybe 4 hours or so before all of this happened. My Mom must've been sure that I was gonna do something crazy; she really didnt want me to go. I decided I'd go anyway; more than anything I just wanted to be alone for awhile. Saturday I didnt really do much other than getting rid of all of our physical mermories: Pictures, Notes, A lil scrapbook she made you know stuff like that. I watched a lil TV and Played Guildwars and you know things got better. I mean I still think about her from time to time but not as much.
Today I woke up and realized that I fell asleep on Adult Swim and I missed my episode of Bleach (crap) Oh well, I normally do all of my schoolwork on Sundays and that's why I'm here now pretty much, but this lil blogspot is helping my situation too. I'm hopeful for the future. I won't dwell on her for weeks and weeks at a time. I'm excited even of all of the possibilities that I have now. Though I can't promise that this situation won't change how I operate in the end, I'm still hopeful and I know I have alot to offer so maybe being single again my not be such a bad thing.
I decided to come back to ODU so I could get some space and have some time to clear my mind of this whole situation, mind you I just came back home from ODU maybe 4 hours or so before all of this happened. My Mom must've been sure that I was gonna do something crazy; she really didnt want me to go. I decided I'd go anyway; more than anything I just wanted to be alone for awhile. Saturday I didnt really do much other than getting rid of all of our physical mermories: Pictures, Notes, A lil scrapbook she made you know stuff like that. I watched a lil TV and Played Guildwars and you know things got better. I mean I still think about her from time to time but not as much.
Today I woke up and realized that I fell asleep on Adult Swim and I missed my episode of Bleach (crap) Oh well, I normally do all of my schoolwork on Sundays and that's why I'm here now pretty much, but this lil blogspot is helping my situation too. I'm hopeful for the future. I won't dwell on her for weeks and weeks at a time. I'm excited even of all of the possibilities that I have now. Though I can't promise that this situation won't change how I operate in the end, I'm still hopeful and I know I have alot to offer so maybe being single again my not be such a bad thing.
Welcome
Hello everyone my name is Wayne Jessie Jr. and this is my brand new blog. It's my first time ever doing this so bear with me huh?? This Blog will pretty much be a day-to-day of my life and other lil things going on with me. Feel free to comment and talk and write and whatnot, but lets keep it clean please. A little about my self: I'm 20-years old, African American, Male...if you havent guessed by now, currently @ ODU 3rd year, I'm from Middlesex, Va, I guess I'm about 5'10.
More: I like Video Games of all kinds except sports, my favorite is RPGs. I'm into Girls, I like music playing and listening to it. I have experience playing the Tenor Sax I also make beats. I like to listen to all genres of music. I actually DJ with my father back at home. I Fence here at ODU, I fence Saber. I'm a Baptist and a Believer in Jesus. I like to have fun but I'm also kinda lazy...I'll try to keep up with this thing as well as I can haha. Well I could go on forever about me here but I wont, If your that interested in me write me sometime huh?? And That's all hope you enjoy your stay
More: I like Video Games of all kinds except sports, my favorite is RPGs. I'm into Girls, I like music playing and listening to it. I have experience playing the Tenor Sax I also make beats. I like to listen to all genres of music. I actually DJ with my father back at home. I Fence here at ODU, I fence Saber. I'm a Baptist and a Believer in Jesus. I like to have fun but I'm also kinda lazy...I'll try to keep up with this thing as well as I can haha. Well I could go on forever about me here but I wont, If your that interested in me write me sometime huh?? And That's all hope you enjoy your stay
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