Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
A step back and undying will
Today sucked. Why am I so unhappy?? Painful memories that I thought I had gotten rid of, burst out of me like briars and thorns, ripping me to shreds from the inside out. I just dont get it. Why do I feel like this?? Know what hurts the most?? Realizing that alla that "happy to move on " and "it's all in the past" was just me lying to myself when the truth is: I'm hurt. I'm hurt and confused and I dont even know what lead to this happening; maybe I'll never know. So to just continue on acting like nothing is wrong is pointless and meaningless when the truth will always come out. So much that I dont understand, I dont know how to feel. Thoughts of how it used to be plague me with it's suffocating bile, and fact that I still dont understand just adds to that misery. I tryed to be strong really I did, but this is too much for me right now...WHAT DID I DO?? WHAT WAS IT THAT I DIDNT DO??...where did we go astray?? I feel like each day I die a little more inside as these questions and thoughts feed off the rawness of my psyche. And you know the worst part about all of this?? I bet YOU dont feel like this, I bet I've never even crossed your mind. GOD it makes me wanna just puke how I bet none of this is happening to you. That probly makes my a horrorable person but I wasnt always like this. Everytime I let someone into my life THIS happens...it's enough to make me wanna quit...BUT(that means it's not over) I am NOT a quitter. BUT(that means it doesnt end here) I know that one day I will get past alla this. BUT(that means theres more to come) I serve a God that I know is greater than any problem I can face here. With all of this I know I will make it, Trying to keep my head up in a world that wants me to drown isnt easy; good thing GOD is my lifeguard.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Loved ones
Today felt...short. I think that's the best way to describe it. Today was also kinda weird, I'm left with all different kinds of mixed emotions about me and other people. You see, tuesdays I meet with my local college gospel choir: Ebony Impact and we were few in number today. I wonder if any of them will come back...Anyways we had an alright practice today but we always have a portion at the end of practice where members stand up and talk about things that God is working out for them or ask the other members of the choir to pray for a particular problem that they are going though. Out of the people that stood up there were two people that asked for us to pray for a loss or an inccident involving their Grandparents. One young lady brokedown and started bawling, there was also a young man who was trying so hard not to let his emotions surface(It's a Man thing) but his true feelings broke though slowly but surely. All of this bought me to how I feel now, it also made me think of something.
Everyone only thinks about the good things that could happen when they think about the future but no one wants to think about the bad stuff. And with good reason, no one wants to imagine life without those close loved ones that were always there for you when you were growing up, but more importantly: Parents and Grandparents. We must all treasure and cherish these loved ones the most while they are here so that when they do have to go, there will be a part of them in ours hearts never to be removed. My heart goes out to That young lady; whose name I do not know(I'm sorry) and to Mike and I wish the best to both of them and their families. It's never easy to cope with losses or inccidents involving this close loved group. I loss my Grandpa on my Father's side when I was but a young boy; everyday I miss him more and more. I wonder what life would be like if he was still alive right now, I was too young, there were still so many conversations to be had, story he had to tell me, things he had to pass on to me and the rest of his grandchildren.I blame cigerettes but THAT is another story. I employ to you if your grandparents are still alive, spend as much time with them as you can, because things arent what they always used to be, They can tell you things that no other living person can tell you. Also your elders are wiser from being on this earth longer than you they can tell you alot of things to share that wisdom with you; Just do it before it's too late, I don't want you to feel how I feel right now, wishing I could talk to my Grandpa...
If you have just recently lost a close loved one I am so sorry and my heart also goes out to you. whether it be a Grandparent or a parent it's never an easy thing to cope with. You may have realized that I just repeated myself, I do so on and with purpose. It isnt and wont be easy to get over those loved ones but it always comes down to: We werent put on this earth to stay. One day even ourselves will return to the dust and the earth. I'm not saying suck it up and get over it, I'm saying God has a plan for each and everyone of us, and when he decides to make a move, it will be done as he has decided. Unfortunatly sometimes that means that we have to say goodbye to those we love the most. But know that we were given the strength to accept that these loved ones have moved on and that we also have the strength to move on ourselves. Our instructor who also happens to be called Mike talked to us about how it's natural for us to bury our Grandparents and parents and how it's unnatural for them to bury us. He went on to say that that's the way God designed for it to go, so therefore we are also designed to move on and accept our farewells with those who are closely loved. So with all of this in mind I say to you: Dont get stuck in the past, It's ok to reflect upon the times we've spent with our loved ones but dont let the past rule your future. Instead continue to move forward and make your life better so that you can make your loved ones proud. Continue to live your life with them in your hearts and on your mind, laugh at the good times and remember all of the times you've had with them. Pray or ask a friend or loved one to pray with or for you if you feel down. And know that everything will be alright. I pray that this message reaches at least one person and touches them in such a way that things that looked impossible before dont look that impossible anymore. I pray that each family that has suffered a loss, recovers and become even stronger in God's name. And I Pray that when that time comes for me to be on the other side of this message that I can live up to all of the things that I have written tonight, God Please grant me the strength.
Everyone only thinks about the good things that could happen when they think about the future but no one wants to think about the bad stuff. And with good reason, no one wants to imagine life without those close loved ones that were always there for you when you were growing up, but more importantly: Parents and Grandparents. We must all treasure and cherish these loved ones the most while they are here so that when they do have to go, there will be a part of them in ours hearts never to be removed. My heart goes out to That young lady; whose name I do not know(I'm sorry) and to Mike and I wish the best to both of them and their families. It's never easy to cope with losses or inccidents involving this close loved group. I loss my Grandpa on my Father's side when I was but a young boy; everyday I miss him more and more. I wonder what life would be like if he was still alive right now, I was too young, there were still so many conversations to be had, story he had to tell me, things he had to pass on to me and the rest of his grandchildren.I blame cigerettes but THAT is another story. I employ to you if your grandparents are still alive, spend as much time with them as you can, because things arent what they always used to be, They can tell you things that no other living person can tell you. Also your elders are wiser from being on this earth longer than you they can tell you alot of things to share that wisdom with you; Just do it before it's too late, I don't want you to feel how I feel right now, wishing I could talk to my Grandpa...
If you have just recently lost a close loved one I am so sorry and my heart also goes out to you. whether it be a Grandparent or a parent it's never an easy thing to cope with. You may have realized that I just repeated myself, I do so on and with purpose. It isnt and wont be easy to get over those loved ones but it always comes down to: We werent put on this earth to stay. One day even ourselves will return to the dust and the earth. I'm not saying suck it up and get over it, I'm saying God has a plan for each and everyone of us, and when he decides to make a move, it will be done as he has decided. Unfortunatly sometimes that means that we have to say goodbye to those we love the most. But know that we were given the strength to accept that these loved ones have moved on and that we also have the strength to move on ourselves. Our instructor who also happens to be called Mike talked to us about how it's natural for us to bury our Grandparents and parents and how it's unnatural for them to bury us. He went on to say that that's the way God designed for it to go, so therefore we are also designed to move on and accept our farewells with those who are closely loved. So with all of this in mind I say to you: Dont get stuck in the past, It's ok to reflect upon the times we've spent with our loved ones but dont let the past rule your future. Instead continue to move forward and make your life better so that you can make your loved ones proud. Continue to live your life with them in your hearts and on your mind, laugh at the good times and remember all of the times you've had with them. Pray or ask a friend or loved one to pray with or for you if you feel down. And know that everything will be alright. I pray that this message reaches at least one person and touches them in such a way that things that looked impossible before dont look that impossible anymore. I pray that each family that has suffered a loss, recovers and become even stronger in God's name. And I Pray that when that time comes for me to be on the other side of this message that I can live up to all of the things that I have written tonight, God Please grant me the strength.
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