Moon

So I know a lot of yall are wondering: What's up with the moon picture??. Well There's this awesome game called Persona of the Shin Megami Tensei series made by Atlus. That game has elements of various different religions and the like, it was there I was introduced to the Tarot Cards and the Major Arcana. So just for fun I thought I'd pick one that kinda reflected me and my personally based on SMT's interpertation of each Arcana. I went with the Moon, the 18th Arcana.In Persona you meet people whose situations deal with and reflect each arcana.

In Persona 3 the person reflecting the moon arcana is a kinda heavy-set dude named Nozomi. He was known as the top Gourmet around town, he also was a member of a cult and was rumored to pull a scam on some of the locals, for this he was picked on by other students and some adults. But all-in-all he was a good guy, a little misunderstood and shunned from other for his shadyness and mysterous ways.

In Persona 4 the person reflecting the Moon arcana was a stuck-up self-centered girl named Ai. Named to be the Cutest girl in the Yasogami High school, but she was cruel putting herself first and shooting down guys if she thought they werent on her "level." But as the main character gets to know her she comes clean about how she was called ugly and outta shape in Grade School. Her family became rich and she moved to another town where she started all over and believed that she had to act uppity to be accepted and wanted by the guys. Heh turned out she's not half bad once she stopped lying to herself and started being who she really was. She was a mystery to herself leaving others in the shade cast from her own confusion.

Take a breather, that was alot of stuff. Now back to me right?? :-3

What I've gathered from this is, the people who reflect the Moon arcana are mysterous, and sometimes that causes people to shun them or misunderstand them. They also seem to be loners weather it's because of people not understanding them or from the person themself pushing others away. These people also seem to be very emotional, and occationally overthink simple situations turning them into complex ones.

What do you think of when you think of the moon??

"Shining" alongside the darkness without interupting the flow, constantly "shining" even in the darkest dark. Mysterous maybe even onmious it's eerie glow, it's many shapes it takes as time moves on. You may have noticed that I quotated the Shining parts of the previous statements. For those of you that dont know, the moon doesnt really shine, the light that we see is light from the sun reflected by the moon. The different phases are caused by the shadow casted by the Earth which gets "bigger" or "Smaller" as the moon revolves around the earth. Thats where my interpetation kicks in.

I'm not your average guy, I think and act differently than most people around me. Some people are intimidated by that, others misunderstand me and avoid me because of it. But my X-factor is my charm, though it repels many, the ones that do stick around stick around long and become special friends to me. I'm also very emotional which used to bother me; doesnt really seem like a Masculine trait huh?? This too is a part of my charm, I can connect with people on a whole other level than most guys because of it. Of course it has it's drawbacks but I'm learning to get to most out of it, and making sure people dont mistake Kindness for Weakness. Truth be told I love nighttime, there's just something about the night sky that's peaceful to me. Just like the moon I'm also laid-back, I like to take it slow and move smart rather than rushing blindly. Just as the Moon reflects the sun's light I shall reflect God's love and continue to radiate even in the Darkest Dark. The clouds may block the moon but it continues to reflect and radiate, So even when things may seem cloudy, you may think I've stopped shining but look again, behind it all I've never stopped. And just like the Moon occationally the earth casts it's shadow upon me, I may not seem like myself from time to time but I've never forgot my Identity or my purpose. I am Wayne Jessie Jr. and even when the Shadow of the earth is upon me, it is only temporary and I WILL shine again, bank on it.

I hope my words have shaken you to your core, and given you a deeper perspective of my mind and personality; how they work though my eyes. Think of me next time you gaze into the night sky, give me a smile huh??

Reflection

Tonight I faced a part of myself, it brought me closer to the truth. I admitted the truth that's still too unbearable to speak, I forced myself to understand that truth and came to terms with myself on how to handle that. A huge amount of me is still unknown to myself, but as I continue to improve and move onward I'll get to know myself even more and be one step closer to the me I'm meant to be. I did what I had to do because I'm too selfless; I tend to care about other people more than I care about myself; Looking back now that is crazy. I do however, understand that everything doesnt revolve around me, s'all about finding the medium. You had to go, or else my suffering would continue. Know this: Wayne Jessie Jr. is continuously improving the design and the algorithims of what it's means to be Wayne Jessie Jr. It wont be easy but I will face myself and come to peace with myself in order to correct the corrurption in my life self-inflected and otherwise. Indeed time moves on and thus, Wayne moves on, unstoppable, and regardless of any situation or circumstance. Heh that's funny, the guy I'm looking at in tha mirror seems more mature somehow...

Shadow

Imagine everything about you, good and bad, saintly and wicked, ugly and nice. The unfaceable parts of your life. What if all of a sudden you were faced with the unfaceable; that being all of the things aforementioned. Could you face yourself?? Would you conquer your shortcomings and admit your the facts of your trueself, or be devoured by your shadow??

I ask these questions because it's something I've been thinking about lately...to tell you the truth I couldnt call it for myself. To see all of me, all of the parts of me that I keep surpressed stand before me and expose all of me; it would be terrifying. I might not be able to handle it...if such a thing could happen. Do you ever think about your subconsciousness?? Do you ever get the feeling that your subpressed self is more inteligent than yourself?? I feel like this sometimes, and it's hard to explain but it's just a feeling...I'll stop now, maybe you're confused. Hell maybe I'm confused but these are the kind of things I think about.

Smile

What's this?? A smile?!? Yeahhhh that's right, I feel goooood today. I cant really explain it I'm just happy. I cant believe I actually got to the point where a smile looks unnatural on my face but I must say, it's a good look aint it?? lol. In the midst of all of my problems and trials I still manage to keep my sanity and my joy. I konw I have alot of work to do and that I will complete kill my weekene to do this work since I blew off work last week and during the weekdays. However, my mind isnt really on that right now, today I think about my good friends, my family, classmates, the potencial of relationships to come, all of the bonds we share. It really makes me feel good and I can say I'm happy about the way I'm living my life right now. Today is already looking to be a good day, as I do my work this weekend I look forward to what's to come next in preparation to take the good and the bad...with a smile knowing that it will all workout.

Just remember through the good, the bad, and the ugly; sometimes you just have to take a step back and think about all of the blessings that are in your life right now. Make peace with your self and dont forget to smile :)

Sloth

My lazyness is getting the best of me again, I really need to rededicate myself to my studies and my body. Lately all I've been doing is playing the game...I will fight to overcome this lazyness and make tomarrow a better today...let it begin.

Crunch time

~~Finals and Projects upcoming, may every student scramble to get all of the studying work done on time. Sizing up their grades "will I pass this one??" lets hope so. Late night education sessions and rough mornings out of bed to finish what could not be finished in the last night/early morning. The weeping off students who couldn't get the work done, the cry of the ones that curse Procrastination for bringing them to this point, The Cheer of those who got their work straight and has no fear of the oncoming onslaught of work, The sigh of those who have given up, All these and more can be heard as the semester comes to an end. All semester there is whinning and complianing about how the semester should end quicker and wishes of the end coming closer, faster. Compliants satisfied, wishes granted, you got what you want are you ready?? No?? Guess it's crunch time then!!~~

That was a free write that I just felt like writing, I wanted to express how i felt about this rush of work the I know we all are going though. Man this is getting crazy, Some classes are killing me now, and I was doing so good in them earlier on in the semest. on the other hand there are some classes where my grade has been good all the way across; gonna need that to stand strong in the presence of the classes that I may look kinda shoddy in. And Fin Aid's gonna be pissed, if I fail any of my classes than I wont be a full time student anymore and I'll lose my aid...I'm already on Academic warning and if my GPA isnt up to par I'll get Academic Probation...I think I'll be ok though, I might not have to worry about that one. I'm struggling and stressed but I'm not giving up. I'll make it somehow, God will make a way.

Thanksgiving Break

So last week was Thanksgiving Break, We all have alot to be thankful for but living life from day to day, doing the same mundane things over and over again, causes us to think that everything that we are so lucky to have from day to day is promised to us and that we deserve all that we have. I for one, stopped to realize all of the things, people and etc in my life that I am lucky to have and I'm so thankful for it all.
It was also good to see my family, the first day was alot of fun. I left around 3 pm on last tuesday, 64 was a little rough but I made it safely home around 6 or so. no one was there...I got a little worried because I wondered if they when to Maryland and forgot that I said I was coming home for Thanksgiving. They went shopping in Gloucester, came in around like 10 or 11. I met up wit everyone and saw one of my classic movies on Starz: Mighty Morphing Power Rangers the movie. Call it what you will but that was my favorite movie growing up, so I watched it for old times sake. I came home with my pockets looking right trife so I was looking forward to working with dad to make some money, but appearently even his business is being effected by the economy and he really didnt have any room for me to work with him, which was ok with me I had a trick up my sleeve. I call Mr.Kulpa, my HS band director, who now runs a printing company in Lottsburg, which is about a half an hour away from me. Hoping he had some room for me, but alas he told me he had nothing for me, he was flattered that I asked though. So I was stuck. What was I gonna do for money??(keep your dirty comments to yourself...that;s another story LMAO) I was stuck at the house alone, the kids went to school, the folks went to work. I started off just watching TV, DVR'ed some Inuyasha and watched some other shows, then I decided to clean the house a little, did the dishes, dumped the trash cans and the dog food, cleaned up the den, which has become my new HQ since I'm now forced to share a room with my little brother. I even stopped to play around on the piano a little, I noticed that I have a real gift to hear music of anykind and then reproduce it on the piano just like I heard it...only thing is I cant play it with both hands yet, I'm not ambidexterous and I can only control one hand on the keys at a time...but I believe with practice I could get that down pact. My sister came home first by then I was playing the game so she joined in, then my Brother and Mom came in at the same time so lil bro joined in the gaming, the three of us always do it like this, Brawl, Mario Kart, I showed them Bomberman they liked it, we always game and have a good time...had I known what the week would bring I woulda treasured this day more...various events happened in which I'm not at liberty to discuss here, I'll just say that rules were in place, and where they werent common sense shoulda took over...it didnt and long story short my sister was in a funk for the remainder of the break. Thanksgiving day came, me and lil bro helped mom in the kitchen because my sister was in her room and still in a funk. Dad did a little bit of work and me and lil bro played Mario kart in which he did actually beat me a couple of times...when it was time for the Thanksgiving dinner things were a little awkward because although everyone was there it was quiet because of the tension between the folks and my sister. everyone was gone exceot me and mom and we talked for a while, it was funny cause my mom is a trip, we talked about shows we like to watch and we talk about all sorts of other things from traveling to maturity and immaturity. I helped clean up and went back to playing the game with my brother, Dad even jumped in and played too for a while. The rest of the day was spent sleeping and in front of the TV but I had fun for sure. Friday dad found some work for me to do, I painted the ceiling of the den and went he came back home we all did some yard work. Me and Maurice(Scooter H) were sorting the truck and dad was working on a piece that goes to a roof. After a while I was to gather all of the copper just lying around the yard. It was a pain but it kept me busy and paid nicely, I also got money from cleaning the house wednesday so my pockets were healthy again but I needed to keep this money for a little bit longer, that and since the family didnt go anywhere neither did I so I chilled at the house made some phone calls and the like. saturday I was taken to te bank to get some money for my account that I use at school after that I went back home and chilled until dad came from work and mom came back from shopping. My sister was in her room still not comunitcating with us...we decided to go to Newport news and upgrade our phones and whatnot. So we did that and it killed my pockets... :( but the phone is niiiiiiiiice Verizon Voyager, I've wanted one every sicne they came out last year. The whole rest of the night was spent on playing with that. yesterday I came back to ODU after saying goodbye to my family...still no words from my sister...but anyways now I'm on the grind doing alla this work that is due this week. Expect to see more I think I'll start writing poetry seperate from this blog and occacationally bring some of it here for yall to see. I was inspired by some poetry I heard over the break, I used to write good poems and I think I can do even better now that I'm older and exposed to more things being more mature and whatnot. Well I dont know if anyone is reading these posts cause no one writes comments on my posts...to anyone out there that may be reading my posts, you can leave me comments, as long as they arent spam I'll approve it...I'm actually looking forward to some feedback...if not well then continue to enjoy the Life of the DJ2xway.