Lockdown

No games, No hanging out, No TV during school-able hours, No excessive internet(This one I'm working on >_<) This is the Official Lockdown. I'll focus towards getting my grades up and my work done. Today marked day one of this new regiment, I will track it's progress and see if it's more effective this way...and if it turns out to be, It shall become the norm. The plan is to max out School-able hours and get all work done by the weekends so I can have the time to relax, if even for a little bit. Hopefully this puts my Energy towards my studies and will help stimulate other parts of my life, maybe at the cost of other parts but we'll see. After this post I shall lockout all non-school-able web access til the weekend(However I will txt updates to Twitter only if I feel like it O_O). Wish me luck people, I know you'll miss me, or will you even notice?? I'll slip off into the background, straight Phantom on em. I've begun to post videos of my appearances at ODU these are places I might be found, it's mostly just for my entertainment. iight I'm out.

~Mr. Jessie Jr.~

For now

This it to that One Lady, you know who you are; yes you do.

I've spent many a day and night thinking about you, thinking of a possible "Us", smiling at the thought. I've told you how I've felt, though I feel I'm not that hard to read, however you feel I lack what it takes to be your Man. I respect your thoughts and wishes and backed off time and time again but honestly, I never stopped chasing you. However things have began to move at an accelerated pace and not just for me obviously. So knowing who you are you prolly want me to get to the point right?? Well here goes.

I've always had deep feelings for you however, you are also one of my closer friends. So what I'm saying is: I dont have to be your Man. I treasure our friendship because you are who you are, a Beautiful, Strong, Creative Woman who lives life to the limit and gets what she wants out of it. I admire that and for that I say to you, Dont leave me behind. I'm here for you, when you need someone to talk to I'm but a call away. When you need someone to be there for you know I'm already there. When you need someone to cheer you up you all ready know I'm hella good at that ;). When you dont wanna be alone know that I'll stay with you til you feel better.

I'm saying all of this because when I back off this time it will be for real. At this point and time there's just no way we can be, having realized that, at the same time I dont want to lose you as a friend. So to keep are friendship intact I've decided to back off and be happy for you and your possibilities. And if I have spend the rest of my life just being your friend I would gladly welcome it. So think about my words, by now you have to know who you are. And know that this isn't goodbye, it's the start of a new friendship between us. I look forward to next time we hangout, I know you do too haha, after all I am: Wayne Jessie Jr.

Cobwebs

Sorry so sorry do pardon my dust, my dear readers but much has come to pass. Over the summer I've discovered much more about myself and established just how little I know about myself. Though over this time I've built a stronger, Image in the name: Wayne Jessie Jr. as well as coming a long ways from where I was. Honestly, I look back at some of my posts in FB and MS and cant believe my actions. I even found it hard to believe I said half of the stuff I wrote. I dont fear or regret these changes as they were necessary. So indeed it has been a while, I've meant to show you some luv over the summer but if you've been followin you know how that goes. >_<

So what did I do over the summer you ask?? Workin and partyin on the Weekends. As you may or may not know I turned 21 over the summer and had a ball experimenting with new beverages. I even created and christened my own Drink so named: "Mint-Drop Magic" Which has been a hit every since I conceived it. For Vaca, we went to tha Mountians, to a resort: Massanutten I believe it was called. Had a blast, got to kick it with my peoples, yall know who you are ;) checked out the Waterpark and just enjoyed myself...though the mountians were a bit drab...definitely a good choice passing up Ferrum. O_O

Well there's always more to tell but right now there is something on my mind. gonna seperate it from this one cuz I dont want the subjects to clash. I will try to keep giving you interesting things to read if you care to visit: The Life of DJ2xway.

Gamer Shift

I'm bored and I must wait at this Comp. for a while; I need some solns for my practice final...Lets talk Video Games people! For the past 2 1/2 years I have been a proud Wii owner however, it is now 2009 and I have missed many great games I would like to play but these great games arent for the Wii. I cant say I regret choosing the Wii because the games I DO have are pretty great, But I'm already missing/gonna miss great games on the 360 and PS3: Fable 2. Halo 3, RE5, Street Fighter 4, The new Star Ocean, Various other RPG's I'd like the play, and Final Fantasy 13, just to name a few. This has to change; I have no intention of trashing my Wii because of certian games I know are coming: Monster Hunter 3 ^_^, There's an upcoming Capcom vs...something Japanese game, and more way down the line. However I need to get my hands on one of the other systems. I've always talked about going "Wii60"(for those of you who dont understand Wii + Xbox 360 = Wii60= having them both) but I think Final Fantasy 13 is a PS3 exclusive...this is my conundrum.

in other news I'm considering buying the new Monster Hunter Unite for PSP, even if it's just an expansion of MH2, which I have. For anyone who doesnt know: Monster Hunter is an adventure game where the concept is exactly what you'd figure; you're a hunter and you kill monsters. Now what you may not figure is: there are different areas to explore and actually more to the game than just killing monsters. You can search around and gather materials to heal and enhance yourself, after slaying a monster you run over to the body and carve off materials,(This is how you get meat which you need to keep your stamina up), you can take the materials back to the village and use them to make special weapons and armor. It's a good game that sadly not many people know of. If you're a gamer and like action/adventure, give it a try you wont be dissapointed. And that was my sales pitch(Capcom should hook me up XD).

Many people complain about the camera angles and the battle system being complicated, I'd have to disagree. In my case the only things I complain about are that my PSP is busted and that messes up my movement(which really has nothing to do with MH XD), and the lack of other people having MH to play with. I was kinda hoping that they would make this expansion Infastructure Multiplayer so that you could play with people online. Dispite these complaints I do intend to buy this game, and I'm hoping I can find some players, git @ me!!

In my life 6/17/09

~~Nostalgic. I've been engaged in Summer school for about 4-6 weeks now, and it's killing me; I mean my grades in the class are surprizingly good (I have a great professor) however, if I was back at home I would have more money by now. I feel like I wont have much summer for myself which I guess is a part of growing up; as you grow you'll have less and less time to do the things you WANT because of the things you HAVE to do. I understand that, but it still has me longing the way it used to be.
~~Graditude. As I have written in the previous entry I'm taking summer school at ODU, which is in Norfolk. I live in Churchview, which is in Middlesex...yeah 2hr commute everyday mon-fri @ 6am. Not to mention the $10 to get from Middlesex to Norfolk and from Norfolk to Middlesex...everyday; Add on $2 for the coleman bridge toll. Times 5 days a week, what do you have boys and girls?? $60 a week, and for someone who lucks out on a weekend job that's a nightmare, whatwith other bills and such. However my good friend has let me stay with her in her apartment while I take my class causing me to only have to take one trip back and forth. God looks out, I am truly grateful.
~~Wondering. I've recently had many encounters with other females and I've had the opportunity to just sit down and chat for a while. Most of them ask me the same thing: "Why are you still single??" Truth be told I dont know myself. I know I have some admirable qualities in me, and I'm a Handsome guy ,if I might say so myself. I guess if I have to pick something I am a little timid. Sometimes I wish I had more drive, more swag, so to speak. Though I've improved alot since my first year in college. Sometimes I do get lonely however I'm thinking maybe for the moment I dont need a relationship. I can be alone, though I enjoy the company of a nice young lady. I think I need this time to improve myself. Maybe that's why, however I dont really know. Right now I'll just play it by ear, but sometimes I cant help but wonder.

A Reflection's Reflection

Everywatch Maury?? The topics and the people that show up are pretty intense. The young ladies that show up 14 and 15 talking about having sex and kids, hitting and abusing other family members and the like. They just dont care, poor lost souls. It's sad, and sickining. The young men arent any better, cheating on they women, getting other chix pregnant and walking away from their responsibilities when they know the truth. There was a woman that came on that was married to the uncle, and had sex with the nephew and got pregnant...damn shame, on both of them.

My people my people, what is wrong?? I dont know what's worse: That there really are people out there that live like this, or that this is the kinda stuff that we call :"Entertainment".

I must be some sorta fool

I've come to the conclusion that I'm a defective guy. Everytime I come across a female with problems I cant help but to help her solve it the best I can, where some of my boyz I know would take advantage of the situation and try to "get in good" with her. As much as I see the opportunity and would like to do the same, I just dont have the heart to use a girl's emotions against her...what's wrong with me?? haha it seems it's like a natural reaction: girl has problem, I help solve, we all move on. I'm getting used to the chain of action but at the same time I wonder where I'd be if I did them just like my boyz woulda...Dont get me wrong, by no means am I longing to become that way but sometimes I wonder why caused me to become this way, and just what it's leading me to...

What is it??

What is it?? What is it about me that causes me to go though a door and look back to see if someone is there?? What makes me then proceed to hold the door for that person?? What causes me stand by the edge of the street and wait for a car to beckon me before crossing?? On the other hand, what is it that makes me stop and beckon the waiting pedestrian to cross me?? What is it that causes me to not laugh at thy fallen young lady but to help her to stand to her feet?? What is it that makes me open the door of my car for my passenger before I open the door for myself?? What is it, what is it, what is it??

I have an answer: Common Courtesy. Born, raised, and practiced into Common Courtesy, I continue to do these things and more even when no one else does. Funny how that is, that Common Courtesy even having the word "Common" in it just isnt all the common anymore. So thats why I continued to ask What is it, what is it, what is it?? Sadly many people dont seem to know.

Moon

So I know a lot of yall are wondering: What's up with the moon picture??. Well There's this awesome game called Persona of the Shin Megami Tensei series made by Atlus. That game has elements of various different religions and the like, it was there I was introduced to the Tarot Cards and the Major Arcana. So just for fun I thought I'd pick one that kinda reflected me and my personally based on SMT's interpertation of each Arcana. I went with the Moon, the 18th Arcana.In Persona you meet people whose situations deal with and reflect each arcana.

In Persona 3 the person reflecting the moon arcana is a kinda heavy-set dude named Nozomi. He was known as the top Gourmet around town, he also was a member of a cult and was rumored to pull a scam on some of the locals, for this he was picked on by other students and some adults. But all-in-all he was a good guy, a little misunderstood and shunned from other for his shadyness and mysterous ways.

In Persona 4 the person reflecting the Moon arcana was a stuck-up self-centered girl named Ai. Named to be the Cutest girl in the Yasogami High school, but she was cruel putting herself first and shooting down guys if she thought they werent on her "level." But as the main character gets to know her she comes clean about how she was called ugly and outta shape in Grade School. Her family became rich and she moved to another town where she started all over and believed that she had to act uppity to be accepted and wanted by the guys. Heh turned out she's not half bad once she stopped lying to herself and started being who she really was. She was a mystery to herself leaving others in the shade cast from her own confusion.

Take a breather, that was alot of stuff. Now back to me right?? :-3

What I've gathered from this is, the people who reflect the Moon arcana are mysterous, and sometimes that causes people to shun them or misunderstand them. They also seem to be loners weather it's because of people not understanding them or from the person themself pushing others away. These people also seem to be very emotional, and occationally overthink simple situations turning them into complex ones.

What do you think of when you think of the moon??

"Shining" alongside the darkness without interupting the flow, constantly "shining" even in the darkest dark. Mysterous maybe even onmious it's eerie glow, it's many shapes it takes as time moves on. You may have noticed that I quotated the Shining parts of the previous statements. For those of you that dont know, the moon doesnt really shine, the light that we see is light from the sun reflected by the moon. The different phases are caused by the shadow casted by the Earth which gets "bigger" or "Smaller" as the moon revolves around the earth. Thats where my interpetation kicks in.

I'm not your average guy, I think and act differently than most people around me. Some people are intimidated by that, others misunderstand me and avoid me because of it. But my X-factor is my charm, though it repels many, the ones that do stick around stick around long and become special friends to me. I'm also very emotional which used to bother me; doesnt really seem like a Masculine trait huh?? This too is a part of my charm, I can connect with people on a whole other level than most guys because of it. Of course it has it's drawbacks but I'm learning to get to most out of it, and making sure people dont mistake Kindness for Weakness. Truth be told I love nighttime, there's just something about the night sky that's peaceful to me. Just like the moon I'm also laid-back, I like to take it slow and move smart rather than rushing blindly. Just as the Moon reflects the sun's light I shall reflect God's love and continue to radiate even in the Darkest Dark. The clouds may block the moon but it continues to reflect and radiate, So even when things may seem cloudy, you may think I've stopped shining but look again, behind it all I've never stopped. And just like the Moon occationally the earth casts it's shadow upon me, I may not seem like myself from time to time but I've never forgot my Identity or my purpose. I am Wayne Jessie Jr. and even when the Shadow of the earth is upon me, it is only temporary and I WILL shine again, bank on it.

I hope my words have shaken you to your core, and given you a deeper perspective of my mind and personality; how they work though my eyes. Think of me next time you gaze into the night sky, give me a smile huh??

Reflection

Tonight I faced a part of myself, it brought me closer to the truth. I admitted the truth that's still too unbearable to speak, I forced myself to understand that truth and came to terms with myself on how to handle that. A huge amount of me is still unknown to myself, but as I continue to improve and move onward I'll get to know myself even more and be one step closer to the me I'm meant to be. I did what I had to do because I'm too selfless; I tend to care about other people more than I care about myself; Looking back now that is crazy. I do however, understand that everything doesnt revolve around me, s'all about finding the medium. You had to go, or else my suffering would continue. Know this: Wayne Jessie Jr. is continuously improving the design and the algorithims of what it's means to be Wayne Jessie Jr. It wont be easy but I will face myself and come to peace with myself in order to correct the corrurption in my life self-inflected and otherwise. Indeed time moves on and thus, Wayne moves on, unstoppable, and regardless of any situation or circumstance. Heh that's funny, the guy I'm looking at in tha mirror seems more mature somehow...

Shadow

Imagine everything about you, good and bad, saintly and wicked, ugly and nice. The unfaceable parts of your life. What if all of a sudden you were faced with the unfaceable; that being all of the things aforementioned. Could you face yourself?? Would you conquer your shortcomings and admit your the facts of your trueself, or be devoured by your shadow??

I ask these questions because it's something I've been thinking about lately...to tell you the truth I couldnt call it for myself. To see all of me, all of the parts of me that I keep surpressed stand before me and expose all of me; it would be terrifying. I might not be able to handle it...if such a thing could happen. Do you ever think about your subconsciousness?? Do you ever get the feeling that your subpressed self is more inteligent than yourself?? I feel like this sometimes, and it's hard to explain but it's just a feeling...I'll stop now, maybe you're confused. Hell maybe I'm confused but these are the kind of things I think about.

Smile

What's this?? A smile?!? Yeahhhh that's right, I feel goooood today. I cant really explain it I'm just happy. I cant believe I actually got to the point where a smile looks unnatural on my face but I must say, it's a good look aint it?? lol. In the midst of all of my problems and trials I still manage to keep my sanity and my joy. I konw I have alot of work to do and that I will complete kill my weekene to do this work since I blew off work last week and during the weekdays. However, my mind isnt really on that right now, today I think about my good friends, my family, classmates, the potencial of relationships to come, all of the bonds we share. It really makes me feel good and I can say I'm happy about the way I'm living my life right now. Today is already looking to be a good day, as I do my work this weekend I look forward to what's to come next in preparation to take the good and the bad...with a smile knowing that it will all workout.

Just remember through the good, the bad, and the ugly; sometimes you just have to take a step back and think about all of the blessings that are in your life right now. Make peace with your self and dont forget to smile :)

Sloth

My lazyness is getting the best of me again, I really need to rededicate myself to my studies and my body. Lately all I've been doing is playing the game...I will fight to overcome this lazyness and make tomarrow a better today...let it begin.