I know I been slacking but here check this out

Yea I know it's been a while, and I was supposed to post again last week I said I would. But Mid-terms kicked my butt, all of em were difficult!! Then I went home for Fall break which conveniently happens to be my high school's homecoming as well. At home I'm stuck with Dial-up(X_X) My fall break was...busy. I spent most of that time working with pops trying to make some money. (poor college student :S) Whenever I wasnt working I was sleep or playing my Wii which I am Forbidden to bring back here with me. I also saw Stomping the Yard, it's a good movie. I might actually buy it on DVD. If you havent seen it yet GO GET IT!! or rent it of something iono. It's good.
About homecoming: So a went to the parade and the game that followed afterwards because what followed that, was work (The Homecoming dance for which I was the DJ). I saw many of my friends from School, in my grade, under me, ones with whom I rode the bus with, Cousins I hardly ever see, and my Band people. During the whole game I just talked with my people, reminising and catching up paying the game no mind. (My HS football team was never really that great...) It was a dissapointment to see how bad we were losing on our terf at our homecoming...around 3-4th quarter I left and went to perpare for the dance. Me and pops had already setup for the dance b4 the game started so we were ready to go. The dance started and I had the crowd rockin 4 sure ;). As I looked onto the floor and saw all the kids having fun and dancing I started to think back to my Homecoming dance and just HS altogether...good times...bad times...all of it. Still kinda miss it but looking back at me then and me now...I've changed a lot...I want to continue getting better and I intend to. The dance was over at 11:00...tired, the kids had a good time...hell I had fun too, this dude wanted me to play some techno and I knew it was gonna kill the floor haha. Gotta give the people what they want tho and so I played it but no before making sure that they knew it wasnt I that picked this to play...sure enough it killed the floor but the kids are silly and tryed to make it work...it was funny to watch. Even my Dad threw the robot out there for a sec lol it was funny. I ended that night with AS (Adult Swim- if you dont know you betta ask somebody) and woke up late Saturday morning...thought I was gonna have some free time til we DJ-ed later that day but lo, Dad needed help cuz some elderly people lost their water...these jobs took hours a piece to complete and then we had to get ready to DJ. The place was North End Plantation in Deltaville, the time was 6-like and the purpose was YMCA seafood lovers convention...or something like that. My family were the only African Americans there...so everyone except Dad felt alienated but everyone was friendly so as the night went on we all loosened up. (Dad is on the Middlesex Board of Supervisors...he's used to the crowd) This was mostly Dad's show. The Crowd was mostly early 50's and 60's so he knew exactly what they wanted to hear. Best I could do was find the CD's for him and take over when he had to use the bathroom. That ended around 10:30...tired again. As we packed up I noticed a Rainbow outlining the moonlit sky...never seen that before. A certain young lady came to mind when I thought of it and I Txted her to tell her she was on my mind. so we got stuck at the Gas station forever because Dad has the inability to go Straight home and the infamous ability to get stuck in a conversation for long periods of times...11:15 like we get home once more AS, bleach and Full metal...nice. I even watched the boondocks.. that shyt was funny, then I went to bed. Sunday I woke up real late...I was the last one up and the last one to the breakfast table. While eating this is where I watched Stomping the Yard...it was already halfway though so after seeing that much I wanted to see the whole thing (gotta love DVR) set up a timer for later and off to church. There I ran into my usual group, Denelle, Katrina, Shaunelle and we always sit in the back of the church, it was good catching up with them. after church I went home and had the rest of the day to myself (FINALLY!!) playing Brawl and Mario Kart with my siblings and then watching the Cowboys lose...sooo dissappointing. Then I watched Little man...I've already seen but it was good so I watched again. I got paid and watched Desperate Housewives with Pops...it was surprisingly funny...I might become a regular. I then introduced Dad to Family Guy, AS of course. and after that bed. Last to rise...last to get to the table and I messed around my food there. just about everyone was gone...kids-school and dad- work with mom on her way. I watched the recording of Stomp the yard and when that was over I packed up for ODU.
One could say my week was a lil boring...but it was okay I guess...I mean I worked alot but now I got money, this will last me for a while. So that was my 5-day weekend which ends tonight, today was skipped because it was uneventful thus far. I'll try to keep up with this blog better for anyone out there who may be reading my posts...anyone??...Well anyways that's all you get for now, I'll try to post tomarrow too but no promises.

On and on

It's been a while. I've been sorting my life out little by little. Things are looking up, though this week is Midterms...it's gonna suck for most of us. I'm not particularly worried about much though. It's kinda funny how sometimes one can make a resolve to do the right thing and it makes them seem like they've grown so much, but that action isnt always convenient for that person. Like taking all of your pain from when someone has done you wrong and just dropping it like nothing ever happened. But in the end it's better to do what is best for you, even if it makes you seem childish or selfish. Most times people choose the latter of these two actions because they feel they have to prove something to everyone when if you know what your trying to prove in your heart to be truth, there is no need to prove it because it would be proved in your actions and words. This week has been a major learning experience for me and it's only just begun. my last message was kinda...wierd, disturbing, odd...whatever. Words can never capture how the human mind works with emotions, all that is known about feelings and emotions expressed by words are vague perceptions of how the mind works. So if you look at that post and think that I'm crazy or think of me in a bad manner that's fine. I really dont care but it's hard to try to put feelings like that into words, I just write em as they come to me. Dont judge me. I'm better now ans I'm glad I went though alla that because in the end I'm better for it. Pain is a part of growing too, what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger and it will take more than that situation to put me in the ground.

So moving on...this weekend was uneventful at best. I did get all my work done but after that, nothing but Video Games and Comedy Central. I went back to Disgaea 2(a video game), it's a good game but it gets old(boring) quickly. I dont know what it is but it's like sometimes the screen loads up and the battle starts and when I look at what I have to do I'm like "ok I'm done...this is boring...too much work". I bought that new Kirby Superstar ultra for DS. It's a remake of the game from SNES so I had to have it. I'm enjoying it...it makes me nolstalgic (spelled right??) but in a good way. theres some new content to the orginal stuff so I'm happy.Well thats enough for now, I have to go to Art class (Ugh) but I'll post again tonight. See you there??

Destruction

Confusion cleared...truth revealed...death to all he once thought he knew...Distant futures...Gazing foresights...all of which he was once certain of...Gone, forever...None of it means anything any more...everyone else continues about their lives all but him who is trapped in the past against his will...Wh.....a.....t......abo....u...t...........m....e.......?....?

A step back and undying will

Today sucked. Why am I so unhappy?? Painful memories that I thought I had gotten rid of, burst out of me like briars and thorns, ripping me to shreds from the inside out. I just dont get it. Why do I feel like this?? Know what hurts the most?? Realizing that alla that "happy to move on " and "it's all in the past" was just me lying to myself when the truth is: I'm hurt. I'm hurt and confused and I dont even know what lead to this happening; maybe I'll never know. So to just continue on acting like nothing is wrong is pointless and meaningless when the truth will always come out. So much that I dont understand, I dont know how to feel. Thoughts of how it used to be plague me with it's suffocating bile, and fact that I still dont understand just adds to that misery. I tryed to be strong really I did, but this is too much for me right now...WHAT DID I DO?? WHAT WAS IT THAT I DIDNT DO??...where did we go astray?? I feel like each day I die a little more inside as these questions and thoughts feed off the rawness of my psyche. And you know the worst part about all of this?? I bet YOU dont feel like this, I bet I've never even crossed your mind. GOD it makes me wanna just puke how I bet none of this is happening to you. That probly makes my a horrorable person but I wasnt always like this. Everytime I let someone into my life THIS happens...it's enough to make me wanna quit...BUT(that means it's not over) I am NOT a quitter. BUT(that means it doesnt end here) I know that one day I will get past alla this. BUT(that means theres more to come) I serve a God that I know is greater than any problem I can face here. With all of this I know I will make it, Trying to keep my head up in a world that wants me to drown isnt easy; good thing GOD is my lifeguard.

Loved ones

Today felt...short. I think that's the best way to describe it. Today was also kinda weird, I'm left with all different kinds of mixed emotions about me and other people. You see, tuesdays I meet with my local college gospel choir: Ebony Impact and we were few in number today. I wonder if any of them will come back...Anyways we had an alright practice today but we always have a portion at the end of practice where members stand up and talk about things that God is working out for them or ask the other members of the choir to pray for a particular problem that they are going though. Out of the people that stood up there were two people that asked for us to pray for a loss or an inccident involving their Grandparents. One young lady brokedown and started bawling, there was also a young man who was trying so hard not to let his emotions surface(It's a Man thing) but his true feelings broke though slowly but surely. All of this bought me to how I feel now, it also made me think of something.
Everyone only thinks about the good things that could happen when they think about the future but no one wants to think about the bad stuff. And with good reason, no one wants to imagine life without those close loved ones that were always there for you when you were growing up, but more importantly: Parents and Grandparents. We must all treasure and cherish these loved ones the most while they are here so that when they do have to go, there will be a part of them in ours hearts never to be removed. My heart goes out to That young lady; whose name I do not know(I'm sorry) and to Mike and I wish the best to both of them and their families. It's never easy to cope with losses or inccidents involving this close loved group. I loss my Grandpa on my Father's side when I was but a young boy; everyday I miss him more and more. I wonder what life would be like if he was still alive right now, I was too young, there were still so many conversations to be had, story he had to tell me, things he had to pass on to me and the rest of his grandchildren.I blame cigerettes but THAT is another story. I employ to you if your grandparents are still alive, spend as much time with them as you can, because things arent what they always used to be, They can tell you things that no other living person can tell you. Also your elders are wiser from being on this earth longer than you they can tell you alot of things to share that wisdom with you; Just do it before it's too late, I don't want you to feel how I feel right now, wishing I could talk to my Grandpa...
If you have just recently lost a close loved one I am so sorry and my heart also goes out to you. whether it be a Grandparent or a parent it's never an easy thing to cope with. You may have realized that I just repeated myself, I do so on and with purpose. It isnt and wont be easy to get over those loved ones but it always comes down to: We werent put on this earth to stay. One day even ourselves will return to the dust and the earth. I'm not saying suck it up and get over it, I'm saying God has a plan for each and everyone of us, and when he decides to make a move, it will be done as he has decided. Unfortunatly sometimes that means that we have to say goodbye to those we love the most. But know that we were given the strength to accept that these loved ones have moved on and that we also have the strength to move on ourselves. Our instructor who also happens to be called Mike talked to us about how it's natural for us to bury our Grandparents and parents and how it's unnatural for them to bury us. He went on to say that that's the way God designed for it to go, so therefore we are also designed to move on and accept our farewells with those who are closely loved. So with all of this in mind I say to you: Dont get stuck in the past, It's ok to reflect upon the times we've spent with our loved ones but dont let the past rule your future. Instead continue to move forward and make your life better so that you can make your loved ones proud. Continue to live your life with them in your hearts and on your mind, laugh at the good times and remember all of the times you've had with them. Pray or ask a friend or loved one to pray with or for you if you feel down. And know that everything will be alright. I pray that this message reaches at least one person and touches them in such a way that things that looked impossible before dont look that impossible anymore. I pray that each family that has suffered a loss, recovers and become even stronger in God's name. And I Pray that when that time comes for me to be on the other side of this message that I can live up to all of the things that I have written tonight, God Please grant me the strength.

Foward with hope

Ahhh mondays...gotta hate'em. I was late to my first class today, English; Well technically I made it right before the Professor closed the door. Even with that all was well today, though walking around ODU harbored some bad memories I smiled at the face of good opportunities. Also not to be Vain or anything but I really looked good today!! I was matching from head to toe in blues and my waves was on point so alla the girls was checking me out today and I caught some looks from some of their boyfriends that didnt approve of me and her checking each other out.(hehe) Classes werent that terrible today and my Homework isnt that bad tonight so all and all things are looking up for your boy ;). I'm really looking forward to seeing more of the campus and more of the beautiful flowers that now inhabit it's grounds; watchout now!! ;)

Just What's Wrong With Black Men??

This was a Response to an event in one of my English classes Freshmen year of collage. It got a couple of hits on Facebook, some from people I dont even know. But I was offened and I felt I had to speak on it, if you have some time why not check it out, leave a comment if you'd like. Hope you enjoy

Last English class, last friday Mrs. Heart (my teach) brought in one of her friends to speak to us about her life and thinking outside of the box. She was funny and qurky and she reminded my of myself the way she dared to be different and thought not of what other people thought of her. So she's tellin us about her life and different various things about being different and then she said something that kinda stuck on me. she says it jokingly "There's something wrong with Black Men" . All the other black girls in the class was clappin and rejoicin to hear that one. My first response was just..WOW..where did that come from. And I dont hate her for saying that, @ that monent I just put that aside and listened to the rest of the story. The end of the story came and she asked for questions, I said nothing but in the back of my head i was screaming: "Just what's wrong with black men??". This lil senario neva really bothered me, or maybe it did I'm not sure I just feel like I have to ask: Just what's so wrong with black men?? I already know most of the stereotypes: Cheap, Lazy, Playa, Gangsta, Hood, Nerd, Goofy, Dark, Light, Sex-fiend, Weed-head, Alcholic, Broke, Mama's boi, Indifferent, No job, No car, No life goals etc, etc. But look back on this list. Could not just about all of these things also be said about ALL men?? Why just black?? And Also not ALL men are like this; not all BLACK or any other race of men are like the few men that make people say "Something's wrong with black men". It truly saddens my heart when I come across a Black girl/women who believes that all black men are like that one that did them wrong, I look up with a smile and get a cold stare in return, or one of them 'if-looks-could-kill' things. Believe it or not Ladies there ARE Decent Black men out there, some are much closer than they seem. Some of them are right here in ODU. Are you sure you havent overlooked them?? Are you sure that while you were hoping and praying for what you wanted in a man that he didnt just come and sit right next to you, or pass by you walking to class, or wave 'hi' to you from the other side of the street, walk with you to or from class, talk to you or/and give you advice when you needed it?? Ladies I challnege you, as one of the decent black men: I challnege you the next time you see a black man and your lil radar goes off: "uh oh he look like a playa, he look like a Gangsta, he look like he broke or whateva" I dare you to give him a chance to prove you wrong. That lady said it herself to "come out of the box", drop out of your comfort zone and take a chance on him. You never know, once you get to know him you may find that he was the one for you all along. Now I dont mean be a hoe or be easy etc. but how are you ever gonna truely find a man if you're so quick to judge every man that steps to you without giving him a chance?? Ladies do this and I promise to continue to strive toward being that one man every girl dreams of, a true testiment to Black men and All men for that matter, but no matter how hard i try, I cant be reconized if I'm labled before you even know me!!

My brothers and fellow men, Dont prove the Ladies right!! We CAN be decent and we ARE decent. It's doesnt take much to stay faithful to her, to admit we are wrong when we KNOW we are, take good care of her and let her know she's special to us, to go out of our way for her, to forgive and forget(this one goes both ways ladies), and to do all the things that make her think of you. It doesnt take much at all. My fellow men and brothers, I challnege you, I dare you to prove that girl wrong. Unstead of getting upset that girls think of you in a certain way, try to think of a way you ARENT what she said you are. If she say you aint nothing but a dog, show her you're a man, if she say you're unfaithful, show her what she means to you, if she say all you care about is your______(insert here), show her that she IS on your mind and you DO care about her, if she say all you wanna do is fuck, prove to her that she is worth SO much more. I neva said be a wimp or mr. sensitive all of a sudden but I think that we men just need to show them girls that we DO have love for them and that we CAN be decent and that we ARE decent.

I kinda feel better now I just had to get it all out. I'd really like for you to consider the things I said, just think about it for a sec. I'm also interested in what you may have to say the good/bad and ugly. My goal is to reach just one person...just one...If you feel what I'm saying do me one last favor: Let me know please. Yall jus gonna have to excuse me, this is who i am and what I feel.